If you think a girl is cute and awesome and really cool and genuinely like her but won’t date her because she’s chubby or fat and you don’t want people to judge you for it then please remember you’re a piece of shit okay, promise
Uh, no. It’s totally ok to have aesthetic…
I think you kinda missed the point of the post. Which is if you ARE (romantically/sexually)attracted/want a relationship but don’t pursue it because the person is chubby/fat (and it embarrasses you) that makes you a shithead. And it does.
No, I didn’t, and, no, it doesn’t. Again, no one is a bad person just because they’re insecure about what people think. Caring about what people think is both normal and even healthy to a certain extent.
The stigma around excess body fat is something that a lot of fat people themselves struggle to learn to acknowledge and overcome in terms of their own sense of self-worth and their outward expression of self. No one else is a bad person just because they’ve failed to acknowledge and reject that very same social conditioning in a way that’s convenient. Those people are just ignorant. And, regardless of how invested you may be in the self-serving narrative of Tumblr-brand activism, ignorance alone doesn’t actually make anyone a piece of shit—just like being informed doesn’t absolve you from being one.
I just wrote a response to this on my phone, and the damn app ate it. I was going to leave it alone, but I was laying here trying to fall asleep and started seething more.
See, I put on HIMYM and while I love this show, I have to mentally and emotionally prepare myself for any number of fat jokes Barney will make - we all know the ones. No fatties, ANYTHING BUT A FATTY, no it was 42 women, but two were fatties so I counted them twice. C’mon. Whether Barney says them or someone says they’re going whaling at a bar or calls their friend a chubby chaser disparagingly (or possibly at all), each and every single one of us has heard these comments. AND THEY’RE COMPLETELY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE.
But that’s just ignorance? There’s a lot of people who throw the word “ignorance” around as a free pass. Ignorance is bliss. They didn’t know any better. They’re from a different time. Back in the day, that’s just what you said/did/used/etc.
Ignorance - internalized and external - has been wielded against me in the form of “I don’t mind if you’re fat” and “I don’t have a problem with big girls” and goddammit - it’s worked. I know a lot of women who now have a big problem with sentiments like these but used to think they were a fucking godsend.
I was raised to believe that being fat would keep me from being raped, and when I was raped seven years ago to the day tomorrow at my birthday party, I believed for no small part of my life that I should be grateful at least someone wanted to fuck me. I thought myself perversely lucky that I had been inducted into womanhood in this way despite the fact that I felt like less of a woman for so long because I was too much woman.
Who else is going to fuck you? You must be hungry, eat my dick.
If you find the Fat Acceptance movement too hardnosed and harsh, but other movements to reclaim the lives of oppressed people justified; if you believe that fat people are pushing too hard or being too demanding; if you think that fatness is not as valid as an oppressed identity to be just as angry and upset and hurt as others - that is ignorance. And in many ways, I fear it may be worse than the direct victimization and harassment of fat people - at least then we know what we’re up against.
As a cis, straight-passing, white, able-bodied, middle class, educated, English speaking woman, I do my best to never speak on behalf or over people who do not have access to the privileges I do. I do my best to not draw parallels among the few social disadvantages I have/am perceived to have.
But I really want to know why fat people need to sit down, shut up, and calm ourselves while everyone else gets to get angry, gets to make demands, and gets to fight for and reclaim what has been denied them for living in this society.
I have dating preferences and sexual preferences, but I don’t make “rules.” I don’t scratch people off my list out of hand based on a set of appearance markers that society deems appropriate for me. I don’t determine who I date or who I fuck by what other people’s perceptions of our relationship or union will be. Do I care what people think? Of course, to an extent. I want my parents to like my partner. I want my friends to be supportive and not believe my boyfriend is undeserving of me for any valid reason. I want to see my partner as sexy as hell and know that there is no small number of people with whom I share the sentiment. But I’m not going to not date someone who’s bald or who’s fat or who’s Black or in a wheelchair or not passing “well enough” or who’s another version of Not Good Enough for society because they’re Not Good Enough for society.
So why in the hell does “no fatties” get a pass and why don’t I have a right to be angry about it?